Where do you see yourself in 5-10 years?

Me in a Pin Up Shoot

"Where do you see yourself in 5-10 years?"

That’s the age old question isn’t it? By 31 years old and 2 degrees in business you’d think I’d know, but as I faced my current boss in a 1 on 1 meeting I couldn’t even hold in my laugh because I’ve been trying to figure that out my whole life. 

 I mean think about it. From kindergarten it’s plowed in our heads that if we want to be a successful and have a good job we have to go to college. If you don’t go to college you’ll be doomed to scrub toilets or work in fast food for the rest of our life.

Then junior and senior year of high school we’re told we have to pick our major and college choice.  So basically at 16-17 years old we pretty much are being asked, ok, “what do you want to do with your life? Choose now!” (And it better be good, because you’re about to be in $40,000+ debt after graduation that you’ll be paying off for a life time.)

So here I am, 17 year old Casey, who can’t even commit to a hair color for longer than a month, trying to figure what I want to be as a grown up because apparently that’s happening now.  They tell you to think about what your interests and passion are and go from there. Well I was a blue haired (that day), lip pierced, punk kid with a tattoo that was also the captain of the cheerleading team.  My passions basically consisted of loud music, tattoos, and sleeping until 2 in the afternoon. The public state colleges didn’t offer a major in “rock star” and my family pretty much shot down all my thoughts and dreams of going into art school, so I just picked the most basic concentration I could think of… business.

Working the TV camera at my internship

I figured at least with a business degree I could own a cool bar and music venue and that seemed pretty good and as close as I’ll ever get to the ideal life. Here’s the problem that. BUSINESS SUCKS. It’s boring, soul killing, the classes are the worst, and after all that, the end result is being shackled to a cubicle making small talk at the coffee machine in the company lounge with a woman named Carol who’s just so excited about her upcoming kitchen appliance party and her kid’s big solo in the holiday recital. That being said, I still played the game. I want to college I majored in Business Administration and then Sport Management. I went to class, I went to parties, I was on the swim team all 4 years, did my internship with the Binghamton Mets in Video Production, really made a go of the whole college experience. Then I graduated. 

Now What?

Life Guarding for the Summer at a State Park

Most people I graduated with ended up pursing more college and more debt, in attempts to find a career in any field that would hire. I had a few impressive interviews such as Madison Square Garden but they didn’t want to a hire an upstate kid that would have to relocate despite reassuring them I’d work extra jobs and do whatever it took.  After fail after miserable fail, I finally went into substitute teaching because I really needed to work and, well, why the hell not.  Since then I’ve been a teacher, a lifeguard, a t-shirt screen printer, a grocery checkout girl (that was a low point), a tattoo artist (That was a high point), a veterinary tech assistant, amateur pin up model, and a bridal sales consultant. I’ve had a lot of experiences and been a lot of places however as I sit in front of my boss, an amazing women who owns two successful businesses, I realize I have no idea what I’m doing with my life.

Working in an Animal Hospital

I’ve come to the age where I feel I’m at a crossroads.  There is the part of me that’s thinking about the future and that I should probably be doing something with benefits and a retirement plan.  Something that lets me out early in the day and have weekends and holidays off as well as paid vacation so I can actually pursue the things I enjoy in life. However a job like that may also result in me hanging myself in my cubicle/office/work station by the age of 55 because at that point I’ve pretty much sold my soul to the working system and become a zombie. So then the other option is pursuing a job that actually involves things I’m interested in and enjoy. Unfortunately that usually means having no kind of benefits or growth or future developments.  Most of the time it’s unstable, and usually occupies night and weekends which kills a lot of options given to people who normally are off at those times. So what am I? The artist or the responsible worker? Is this adulting? Do I have to choose?

Meanwhile kids 10 years younger than me are making a living writing silly blogs (oh the irony) or talking about their feelings and excitement about doing their eyebrows on YouTube and never actually have clock into a job ever and make all their bills. Doing literally nothing. I went wrong somewhere, I missed that brochure in the guidance office. So where do I go now? I don’t know, but I know I can’t be alone. I guess that’s what this blog is. A journey of discovering identity, pursuit of happiness, and cats. May there always be cats.

Me Tattooing